"and the best thing you've ever done for me

"The best thing you've ever done for me, is to help me take my life less seriously - It's only life after all"

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Feelin a little emotional

So, yeah, the name of the post says it all. I' ve been like that today. Found myself crying over trying to get a bus driver for a field trip earlier today.

I think part of it all is PMS and part of it involves being REALLY REALLY dead tired. I mean, between the baby maintenance (and this week has been good - no waking up in the middle of the night ) and new regulations on how we are supposed to do lesson plans (don't even ask -) and picture day today (that I am in charge of - about 1850 kids, 6 cameras, and 60 or so English classes -), I am really, really beat.

Those of you who have talked to me in person know my daycare woes. And you also know that we finally got a slot for little J. out at the base daycare center. The problem still is that I am not connected to the base in any way, and John is only a contractor, so I still can't get an ID to get out there and drop off or pick up my child (except if its an emergency). And so that's where a lot of the emotional comes in. For the last 6 months, when she's had to go to daycare, I have been the main one to drop her off. And I mostly picked her up in the afternoon. And now - nothing. My mommy instincts are making me crazy. I mean, I know that John can pick her up just fine and drop her off just fine. It isn't that. It's just that (despite the hassle of it all), I love taking her to school in the morning and kissing her goodbye. And I love picking her up and finding her in the swing or the Exersaucer smiling away. All of that motivates me to go on to work in the morning and to go ahead and get the heck home in the afternoon. And it just won't be the same if I can't see her at her school. :( I like knowing who she's with. I like seeing her in her environment. And I trust that John will do a great job with all of that. But I want to be able to do it all too.

And now, this is crazy - tomorrow is her last day at the old daycare. And so much of me is glad because we really did have some unpleasant things happen there. But I am still going to miss the workers, and it still makes me really sad to tell them goodbye tomorrow and to tell them we aren't coming back. I mean, we have forged a relationship with them all. I think they will be sad, too. I don't know that J. will be sad at all. And I hope she doesn't notice. That will make it all easier. But it will still be hard.

Well, I must go and grade more papers.